Even the Cops Hate Yankee Fans

by Michelle

I got myself into some straight up shenanigans wednesday night. I am not sure why I though, hey what up Wednesday night! How about I make sure I am hung over on my very busy Thursday!

Drinking much to much with a coworker I ended up at a bar in South Slope called ferelli’s or errellie’s or some shit like that. The name isn’t important, what is important is they served 32 ounce beers in styrofoam cups for 6 dollars. The place was cool, the people there were Yankees fans which was annoying.

I am one of those baseball fans that misses the good old days of true sports that wasn’t dictated by how much money a team could offer. Despite not being alive during that time, I constantly harp on it and Steinbrenner whenever I am talking to Yankees fans. Let me tell you something, nothing fucking sucks more than a god damn Yankees fan. They are the worst!! I don’t even care what you have to say, get out of my face because you have no idea what pain is like until you have been a Mariners fan your whole life and love them despite their bad trading decisions (Fuck you Ichiro). I love the Mariners, no matter if they win or lose — because you don’t need a ring to feel magic baby.

I forgot what I was talking about. Oh right. So my coworker and I were getting hit on by these two born and raised NY dudes, Yankees fans, and general condescending pricks. But there was beer involved so I wasn’t exactly turning them away. The guy who was talking to me kept telling me how beautiful I was before he would disagree with me. BITCH I don’t care if you think I am beautiful, I care if I am right! Like, somehow my only redeeming quality is my looks. That shit is fucked up, I hate talking about what I look like. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a sincere compliment but if you only like me for what I look like get out of my face. Looks fade, this awesome personality won’t. And let me tell you something else, hispanic dude that was hitting on me, just because I am a white girl with bangs does NOT mean I look like Zooey Deschanel. I get told that all the time when dudes who aren’t white hit on me, and it’s like — hello that would be like me telling you that you look like Donald Glover.

Yo — if you DO look like Donald Glover though, hit me up.

Despite this guy being lame I gave him my number because I am so bad at saying no when people ask. Which means a lot of random dudes who I have no interest in text me. Never the ones I like though. Little did I know when he drove me and my coworker home, that we would get pulled over. It’s like, we were driving and suddenly pulled over and the car was literally surrounded by cops. One at every window. It was ridiculous because that shit has never happens to me. And then suddenly the cops were like, okay have a good night, and sent us on our way. To be honest the series of events may have been slightly different but I am not sure because of the aforementioned inebriation.

The moral of the story here is, even the cops hate Yankee fans.

Anderson out.