Little White Box

by Michelle

“Oh. I totally forgot to tell you what happened when we went out on Monday. So backstory, I left my earrings at his place. Anyway, he brought them back to me in a little white box.”
“SHUT UP. HAHAHAH OMG I am dying already.” 
“Yea…so I get there, and he was already there, right? So I walk up to the table and there is this little white box sitting on the table. I choose to ignore it. But instead of handing it to me and saying, ‘Here are your earrings’ — he just, like, places it in front of me. Doesn’t say anything; just hands it over. And I start to have an internal panic attack. Like, WHAT THE FUCK? We have this talk where he tells me he’s freaked out by relationships and then he is bringing me a gift?? It doesn’t make any sense, I just wanted to be exclusive! I don’t want presents! So I open it up, and see my earrings and accidentally express my relief out loud. To which he just says, ‘What?’ like he didn’t think it was weird that he found a little white box to give me back the earrings which I already own.”
“Dude….that is hilarious. And ridiculous.”
“I know…clearly he has no clue what his actions are portraying.”
“Definitely not….well — Good riddance then!”

Clearly, things did NOT work out with the fella I was dating. That’s not important though. I don’t really care. I mean…I do. Obviously I care, because I really liked him. But I choose not to yearn over something that would not have worked, as the above conversation between J Money and I clearly illustrated for you. It’s got me thinking though: I am tired of thinking. I am so over being worried what every little thing means when it comes to dating. Analyzing and wondering and thinking I’ve figured it out! Because, as I have recently learned, I can gravely misread a situation and think something is more than it is. Which is WHY I have decided I no longer want to date smart guys. I just want to find a dumb, docile, strong man (preferably with a beard) who just wants to love me and wife me. Someone who doesn’t over think things, but just goes with the flow. Maybe, a dumb fireman or a tradesman of some sort. Rough hands and a nice heart. I am not sure if my theory is true, but I like to think he wouldn’t over think and subsequently ruin a good thing. BONUS: I can win fights by using big words. So, if you’re cute, dumb and want to take me out to dinner — feel free to “holler at me” via the internet. Wait….only if you know how to use the internet. HOLD UP. Smart guys use the internet — I think I have to take this search to the streets. Step Up style.

Anderson Out