So….New Years, Happened?

by Michelle

It’s a bit off New Year, I know, but I have not had the strength to write about it until now.

At this point in my life I thought I had finally gotten over the whole, getting too drunk and blacking out thing — New Years 2012 proved me wrong.

Let’s start with how I was feeling to the days leading up to it — the day before I was trying on the dresses I bought and all I could think was how much I hated them! Like, hated how I looked in them so much I started crying. I am not sure exactly what was going on with me, but I just kept crying for no reason. I realized then and there that I SHOULD NOT go out the next night, that my body clearly had something weird going on and I should just stay in and let it run its course. Is that was I did? OF COURSE NOT. No, I paid a hundred and five mother fucking dollars to go to some club, so I was mother fucking going to go. So I sucked it up and went over to my friends’ apartment and started getting wasted. I won’t bore you with the sober details, but I was pretty drunk when we got to the club.

Nonetheless when we got up to the bar I had the very unusual need to order two white wines. Apparently I was a white trash woman that night? We drank more that I don’t remember, because I ceased having any memory at 11.3o-ish. I remember starting to get upset and then the next thing I know its morning and I am in J money’s bed only half in my pajamas.

Apparently the night went as such:

  • I start to cry. (J Money told me it was “elegant, pretty crying” though so I think that means it was awesome?)
  • I believe I went back and forth between crying and doing the robot. (This is more based on my own knowledge of myself)
  • I shove the shit out of some girl who was in my space. (Turns out it was my friend’s friend)
  • We leave the bar at 12.45 and I continue to cry in the cab the whole way home.
  • We get home and when my good friend tries to take a picture of me almost puking I say, “Well just remember when you have that picture that I’ve had more sex than you.”   — “Yes, Michelle, by choice.”   — “Well I just want you to know…I’m winning.”  And as she walked away I screamed, “YEA YOU BETTER WALK AWAY!!”

I seriously don’t know who this girl was…I have never acted like that in my life, even other times I have blacked out. Now that I think about it though, I have never blacked out so fully. Usually I remember bits and pieces but there was literally no memories. So, imagine my shock the next morning when I look at my phone only to see I have told a guy friend of mine that I love him via text message.

Now, I don’t love this particular person, but apparently blacked out Michelle does? The worst part is that the whole text is seriously gibberish until it says, “And I Love You.”
All I could do was laugh, because this is just something that would happen to me…And now things are weird.

Whole life is weird. And we have a new standard for too drunk! Like, “Well, as long as you weren’t as drunk as Michelle was on NYE it’s okay.”

Definitely not as romantic as the movie.

Anderson out.