Charles, You’re an Asshole
How is the mouse problem you ask? Let me tell you something, these mice are assholes. They just trot around my fucking kitchen like they own the place. I saw one three times yesterday…and at this point they dont even run away when I walk in. I walked into the kitchen and there he was just walking along the top of the stove like an asshole totally disrespecting my kitchen. Then he sort of looked at me, stuck his little tail in the air and hopped behind the stove. He probably went down to tell his mouse buddies that the hot human (That’s me — I’d like to think that the mice think I’m a hottie) came in the kitchen and he showed her who’s boss. Well, fuck you, Charles (I think that’s his name, he seems fancy)! I’m the boss and you just wait, I’m going to peppermint oil the shit out of that kitchen. So suck it.