I Gave That Bitch A Horse, Bitches Love Horses.

by Michelle

The best part about going out in the lower east side? The officers on horseback for sure — and not just because I love officers of the law, but because drunk people — LOVE HORSES. They love them — they cannot get enough of these god damn horses. And the cops don’t really seem to care all that much, they just let them swarm the horses. You’d think these people had never seen a fucking horse before. I mean, seriously, if it was a giraffe I would be a little more inclined towards being awestruck — wait….did I just come up with the best idea ever? Cops on giraffe back? Why yes, I think I did. Bloomberg — make it happen!

Anyway, I saw this one girl a couple of weekends ago when my brother was in town and she could not get enough of this horse. She was petting it for a full ten minutes with her friend, and then her friend stopped and stood off to the side and when someone came up to pet the horse with her she goes, “No wait. My friend is taking a picture.” And my brother was all, “Ohhhh shit. This is going on Facebook!” Which was funny — but, like, not THAT funny. But everyone laughed anyways because as a man it is much easier to make a joke like that, I can make a thousand funnier jokes but then I am not being lady like. For example — Me: “Geez….you’d think this girl had never seen a horse before.” (Laughs ensued) “Watch — we come out of here in three hours and she is still here.” (Laughs ensue) “Do you think we’ll get invited to the wedding?” (Laughs ensue) to the girl “Hey — in mexico they let you fuck them.” NO LAUGHS ENSUE.

Now I’m all, what the fuck? Because that was fucking funny. Here’s the pickle — the joke was funny but because I have a vagina it’s not funny when I make jokes like that. I feel like I need to get a friend who isn’t that funny and put an earpiece in his ear and I could hide in the bushes and feed him jokes and he would get SO MANY LAUGHS — just like a sitcom. But that is lame — I want credit for how funny I am. I’m not a feminist for much — but for jokes I am. I should be a allowed to be fucking hilarious no matter what my gender.

Anderson Out.

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