No Sex and the City

by Michelle

This weekend has been a whirlwind. Friday started off with after work drinks with some of my favorite people I work with and then off to get sassy and go see Landerson perform at Greenhouse with J Money. I gotta be honest – Landerson fucking killed it. She is so talented and beautiful – I just know this great lady is going places. I was a little upset going into the night because of my love life, or lack there of – but luckily I found myself a hot piece of ass to make out with at the club later on. He looked somewhat like Jay-Z and when I kept making jokes about that (I don’t understand when people don’t think my jokes are funny – so I repeat them) he told me he would only be Jay-Z if I would be his Beyonce – SWOON. The only problem? I am about as white as a white person gets – but other than that, I am obviously JUST LIKE Beyonce. Down side? This guy left a hickey/Bruise on my lip. When I noticed all I could think was Dear baby Jebus am I going to have to go to work with this face hickey?? Luckily it seems to have all but healed by now. The next day was spent with Landerson and J Money – eating, shopping and a movie. Part way through the day the conversation turned to our lack of sex lives when I tried to compare us to Sex and the City and tried to claim that I was Carrie. We decided that, if anything, our lives are more like No Sex and the City because none of us are really like any of the characters and none of us are getting laid. The sex conversation got me thinking about weird things associated with sex. Like handjobs for instance. I don’t get them – they weird me out. I don’t understand how they are sexy at all – I’m just trying to get down to business, so can we just skip it? This video entitled “Hand Job Bland Job” is hilarious – and explains exactly how I feel. So take the mother fucking time to watch it.

Despite my sexless life, I am really settling into New York. There is so much to do and so much going on. The snow is amazing – I love every inch of that sweet white powder we call snow. As a person who already has trouble not going ass up in easy walking conditions, walking has gotten harder in this weather – I went ass up on my way home from work in the middle of Bedstuy on wednesday and hurt my hand and back. I fell right in front of this guy and he just laughed in my face and walked away. I admit, my fall was comical, but what if I was really hurt??

Anderson Out.