J Money Saves the Day

by Michelle

This weekend a friend of mine celebrated her 24th birthday. This friend, who I like to call J Money, is awesome and never fails to have me cracking up so of course I made it to the party. She also offered me a place to stay on Manhattan and her bed if I “got lucky.” That’s a good friend right there. She started out by saving and ultimately improving my outfit with some sweet lace tights when my brand new skin colored tights mysteriously ripped. I have come to the conclusion that I may be a touch too aggressive when putting on tights. We then proceeded to pre-funk (note to east coasters: by this I mean pre-game) at her apt with a bunch of people I didn’t know. And by pre-funk I mean I drank water and ate rice out of a bag. I was hungry. But then came the shots. At one point in the night J Money announced in a very creepy way that she had Deceived….Us….All….no one knows how or when, but she assured us it happened.

Before I continue on I must tell you about a friend I had in college that I called Techno Tito – which may or may not be the word for computer nerd en Espanol – who was goofy and nerdy and very nice. The night of J Money’s birthday party I met Bizarro Techno Tito. He looked just like Techno Tito but was nothing like him. So I had a Bizarro night of sorts.

I talked to Bizarro Techno Tito enough before we headed to the bar to deduce he was a closet Libertarian – so I generally kept my mouth shut about politics. If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s talking about politics with fucking stupid Libertarians and Anarchists – their idealistic views cannot be argued with because they could never actually happen. He was also religious in some way so I refrained from letting him know that god doesn’t actually exist and he is of human design, rather than vice versa. Now none of this is to say that I didn’t enjoy his company, I found him to be intelligent, nice, funny and attractive. Someone I could probably make out with once or twice. We spend most of the night hanging out on and off but the highlight of all that was getting to dance with him. He danced in a way that I can only describe as somewhere between Elaine (For all you dummies: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xi4O1yi6b0) and how I think Kermit the Frog would have danced if he was human. Now at first I thought he was joking, so I thought maybe I’d play along and that it might be appropriate to accent his dancing with a little roboting (which I love to do in clubs by the way – don’t worry, I look real cool). It was not, in fact, appropriate, as he was not joking.

Later in the night I did a few spins around the stipper pole that happened to be in the club and someone told me I was very talented and asked if I was a stipper. I am going to go ahead and take that as a compliment because I am in fact somewhat skilled on ye olde stripper pole but only because I have taken some pole fitness classes. J Money also took a spin on the stripper pole, as did Bizarro Techno Tito. It was a weird night to say the least. Very fun, as it always is with J Money, but weird. Then, I went home without this guy ever getting my number…so weird. What kind of straight guy wastes his time hanging with a girl all night and only to not ask for her number. I am not saying I wanted anything to happen with him, but as a newbie to NYC I enjoy making friends and I am annoyed that I spent all night getting to know someone only to realized I have wasted my time as that person doesn’t care if they get to know me anymore in the future. NYC men are very weird.

I’d also like to give a shout out to one Shilpa Lakshminarayan, who seems to be my biggest fan. This girl is awesome, funny and sweet, and the roommate of J Money. I love kickin it with her. She is also super talented and you would be remiss if you didn’t check out her YouTube channel because this girl is going places: http://www.youtube.com/shilax0929 She also plans on changing her name to Shilelle Landerson because she loves me so much.

Anderson Out.