Something Magical

by Michelle

Sometimes I wonder if I am not straight forward enough with people. And then, I laugh so hard I pee. However, there must be something that I am not getting across to certain men because there are a disproportionate (to normal men) amount of men in my life that just sort of fall in love with me, mildly stalk me and try to get me to date them forever – all without me doing a thing. One guy, who is from Africa, was courting me without me ever knowing it. I thought we were just kickin it, little did I know he was planning our future together. He is totally hot, I’ll give him that, but barely speaking to me for a year and a half and then trying to talk me into being your girlfriend and saying we were perfect for each other freaks me out a little. Unfortunately, this guy didn’t stop at trying to talk me into a long distance relationship, he changed his facebook status to be all about me and basically said he was in love with me, and has been contacting me monthly ever since. But here’s the kicker: right after I told him I couldn’t be with him he changed his facebook profile picture to a picture of a white hand and a black hand holding hands. So many people thought it was my hand and his hand, I was fucking pissed. And he just kept being like, why are mad? aren’t I good to you? WE NEVER FUCKING DATED YOU FREAK!

Seriously, how the fuck does this happen??? I didn’t lead him on….EVER. In fact, one night we were at a party where I had a long conversation in drunk german with some lesbian, participated in a dance off in front of a room of people I barely knew, made out and left with another guy, and never spoke to him! None of that is even remotely leading him on. I wasn’t playing “hard to get.” I was playing “how do I go home with this other guy.” Men are constantly complaining that women lead them on and then never follow through, but my theory is that men are fucking idiots. Because I did everything but straight up say “I never want to sleep with or date you” to this guy and he still didn’t get it. Why didn’t I say those words to him? Because then I am a bitch. Men hound women for sex, don’t get any of their “no thank you” signals and then call them bitches when they straight forward say no. What they fuck do men expect from us?

I tried to explain this to someone, and they said I probably have something magical in my naughty bits. But I really don’t think that is it.

Anderson out.